7 Simple Ways to Reignite the Passion in Your Marriage


7 Simple Ways to Reignite the Passion in Your Marriage

Do you remember how it felt to be in love? You had a spring in your step, a smile on your face, and no one could get you down. You were walking on air, feeling great, and losing weight!

Then what happened?

In nearly every marriage, complacency sets in. Circumstances over the years (and fresh wounds especially) can make a couple forget how they once felt for each other. Sometimes it’s a matter of taking our spouse for granted. Other times it amounts to seeing him at his worst and knowing he’s seen you at your worst, too.

Yes, marriage is about unconditional love, sacrificial love, and enduring love. But that doesn’t mean you can’t experience the passion again, too. Even in rocky seasons of a marriage, you must admit that there was a spark – or many – at one time. There was a desperation on the part of you and your husband to be with each other. What once caused a fire of passion and determination among you both to do what it takes to be with one another is still simmering somewhere underneath the surface of your hearts. That spark in your husband’s heart – and yours – just needs to be unearthed, rekindled, and fanned into a flame to burn freely once again. In my newest book, 12 Ways to Experience More with Your Husband, I offer seven simple ways to reignite the passion in your marriage. Are you ready to give it a try?


1. Switch it Up

Is each day at your home together the same old routine? You each have a load on your minds, one of you grumbles something to the other about dinner, and the two of you exist together, rather than extend toward one another? Eat. Sleep. Repeat.

While some people crave familiarity and routine, the “same old, same old” may be killing your hearts. Switch it up by doing something different.

Be unpredictable by giving your spouse a warm hug and a tender kiss (not a rushed peck on the cheek) as one of you enters the door. Set the table with a lit candle and serve him his favorite dish. Make him wonder what’s up as you switch up the routine to bring some spark back into the marriage. Switching it up means you – and your life – is suddenly not so predictable.


2. Reach Out and Touch

When your life and schedule is full of so many things, it’s easy to forget what you used to do with your hands. You most likely used to touch your husband a lot more than you do now. So, bring back some passion by reinstituting the art of touch.
Reach out with a tender touch before getting out of bed. Kiss and hug each other every morning before one or both of you leave the house. Reach across the table or the couch to hold your spouse’s hand, even if only for a few moments. Reach over to rub his shoulder if he’s disgruntled, distant, or could just use a backrub.
Not only is touch a powerful act of connection, but research shows that married couples who practice this simple daily discipline of affectionate touch are much healthier than those who don’t. And couples who enjoy a passionate relationship are all about touch.

3. Light Him Up

Admit it. You love your husband’s smile. Even if you don’t like much else about him right now, his smile once endeared him to your heart. So, make him smile by lighting him up through your words.

Husbands love to be affirmed and admired. In Scripture, a young bride endeared herself to her husband by telling him, among other things, “you are beautiful, my beloved, truly delightful…” (Song 1:16 ESV).

Don’t underestimate the power of your words. If you haven’t told your husband in awhile what he means to you, how handsome he is, and how much you desire him, then do it. And often. It may meet a need in him he might not have realized he had. And it may spark some passion in both of you, too. Light him up through your words, your praise, your smiles, and that look in your eyes.


4. Make Him Think

Men love mysteries. And chances are by now your husband might think he knows all there is to know about you. But stop wearing your heart on your sleeve and talking about everything on your mind. Try being a mystery to him instead.

Try being a different woman – a quieter woman, a woman with a secret, a mysterious woman – when he gets up in the morning or walks through the door at the end of the day. Find ways to nonverbally remind your husband that there is unexplored territory of your mind, heart, and emotions that would be well worth his time to investigate. Does he know what makes you tick? Make him think about it. The only way you will become intriguing to your husband is if you don’t put it all out there so that he has no more guesswork. Try smiling coyly when he asks how your day went, and don’t be so quick to answer. Reach out and touch his face lovingly when he is sure you were going to correct him or give him a task. It’s another way of switching it up and presenting yourself as a challenge once again.


5. Request His List

Your husband is familiar with your “honey-do list.” (Honey, can you do these things for me?) But what if you requested his “honey-do list.” I’m not talking about a list of tasks to lighten his schedule (like picking up his dry cleaning or ordering something for him online). We’re talking about revving up the passion, here, remember? How about requesting what he wants and needs most from you, intimately?

Ask your husband what his “Top 3” preferences are when it comes to your shared sexual intimacy. Does he want more visibility, spontaneity, creativity? Men are wired visually so it might help his passion level to leave the lights on once in awhile. Or maybe he likes the idea of a spur-of-the-moment rendezvous when the children aren’t around. (It’s okay if you plan it out ahead of time, as long as he thinks it’s spur-of-the-moment.) Maybe he’s a man who simply wants you to be more verbal during intimacy by telling him what you’d prefer or what brings you pleasure. Take the risk. Request his list. And be willingly to lovingly comply. It’s a tangible way to reconnect with him and let him know that the desires of his heart are important to you. (This goes both ways too.)


6. Release Your Inhibitions

I know this might sound risky, maybe even a little scary. But investing in your marriage is worth risk and sacrifice, isn’t it? As I mentioned earlier, most men are visually stimulated, and although it may be more difficult for some wives to embrace a positive image about their body, be regularly generous and demonstrative in your physical love for your husband.

A girlfriend of mine who is a godly woman and has been happily married 35 years (and still enjoys that newlywed passion), offered this: “Be brave and committed to sharing your body freely with your husband – even if or when it feels awkward. This may even include talking more during your intimate times, or talking about what gives each of you pleasure or enjoyment. And remember, confidence is the best aphrodisiac.”


7. Reminisce about the Early Days

Our hearts are connected to tender moments, passionate memories, and recollections of romance. Start talking about things your husband once did… or that you once did, that really made a difference in the passion level of your relationship. But don’t do it in a way that implies regret or accusation, or puts him on the defensive. Instead, talk about it as if you are divulging a secret. Smile a lot. Be playful. Flirt with him as you recall the things the two of you used to do to express your passion for one another.

Reminisce those early days by recreating them as well. Maybe you can’t return to the location of your honeymoon, but you repeat some of the same words you said to him on your wedding night. Or, watch your wedding video as you snuggle up with one another on the couch and tell him you still feel the same about him today as you did the day you married. Or, dine at a restaurant that reminds the two of you of a place you loved visiting when you first fell in love. Reminisce the moment, recreate the memory, and then recommit to one another. Passion won’t be too far behind.


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