A Better Way Part 4 of 4

1 Corinthians 12:31 NIV
31 Now eagerly desire the greater gifts. And yet I will show you the most excellent way.

Proverbs 21:19 NIV
19 Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.

Ephesians 4:22-32 NIV
22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. 25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26 “In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need. 29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Ephesians 5:1-2 NIV
1 Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Let our marriage culture be one that. . .

I. Values Truth over Lies

Ephesians 4:25 NIV
25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.

Ephesians 5:31 NIV
31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

72% of people today are still married to their first spouse. Remove those who are widowed and the actual divorce rate is closer to 25% for first
marriages and 31% for remarriages. Most marriages last for a lifetime.

2. Multiple surveys show over 90% of marriages are happy with 93% saying they would marry their spouse again.

Let our marriage culture be one that. . .

II. Values Grace over Anger

Ephesians 4:26 NIV
26 “In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,

We can ASSUME THE WORST or BELIEVE THE BEST!

ANGER OPENS DOOR TO OFFENSE. OFFENSE GIVES OPPORTUNITY
TO UNFORGIVENESS. UNFORGIVENESS CAN
LEAD TO BITTERNESS AND BITTERNESS USUALLY BECOMES RESENTMENT!

Ephesians 5:31-33 NIV
31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Never again allow anger to block the flow of forgiveness, mercy and grace in your marriages. Cultivate an environment where GRACE grows
and grows!

Let our marriage culture be one that. . .

III. Values Effort over Apathy

Ephesians 4:28 NIV
28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.

Practice the golden rule of marriage: Do for your spouse what you want him or her to do for you.

Let our marriage culture be one that. . .

IV. Value Encouragement over Destruction

Ephesians 4:29 NIV
29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Let our marriage culture be one that. . .

V. Values Spirituality over Carnality

Ephesians 4:30 NIV
30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

The higher value we place on the Holy Spirit in our home, the higher
satisfaction we will have in our marriages.

Every study that has been
done has found that those who act on their faith by, for example, attendance at worship services, have a significantly lower divorce rate.

1 Corinthians 12:31 NIV
31 Now eagerly desire the greater gifts. And yet I will show you the most excellent way.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13 NIV
1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

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A Better Way Pt 3.

A Better Way Pt 3.

Take One Step Closer

Ecclesiastes 9:9 NIV
9 Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.

Marital satisfaction depends on factors and skills couples can do something about in any season or stage of life.

Song of Songs 2:14 NIV
14 My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.

We get our news today from algorithms and cable news networks that reinforce our biases, which means we only listen to news we agree with.

Proverbs 18:13 NIV
13 To answer before listening— that is folly and shame.

Proverbs 20:5 NIV
5 The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.

Proverbs 18:2 NIV
2 Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.

Healthy people aren’t threatened by the opinions of others.

Listening to you doesn’t mean that I agree with you.

Disagreeing with you doesn’t mean that I hate you.

I will validate your
feelings when I don’t agree
with your opinions.

I will listen to
your opinions without
seeing it as an
attack on mine.

The smile on your face
lets me know that you need me

There’s a truth in your eyes
saying you’ll never leave me

A touch of your hand
says you’ll catch me if ever I fall

Now you say it best
when you say nothing at all

“Smile on your face”
“A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.”
Proverbs 15:13

“Truth in your eyes”
“Bright eyes gladden the heart…”
Proverbs 15:30 (NASB)

“Touch of your hand”
“His left arm is under my head,
and his right arm embraces me.”
Song of Solomon 2:6

A Better Way: Week 2

A Better Way: Week 2

I Corinthians 12:31 NKJV
31 But earnestly desire the best gifts. And yet I show you a more excellent way.

If you want to be a follower of Christ, you must choose to follow His word, regardless of what you believe or what culture says about sexuality.

John 4:16-18 NKJV
16 Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.” 17 The woman answered and said, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ 18 for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.”

II Corinthians 6:14 NKJV
14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?

Galatians 5:19 NKJV
19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness,

Adultery – a married person having intimacy with another married or single person

Fornication – sex between people who are not married

Licentiousness – unbridled lust, very immoral, promiscuous (prone to random sex without regard for others)

Concupiscence – stirring up strong sexual desire in another
(it is wrong unless you are married; then, it is foreplay)

Marriage is one place where you should die to self.

I Corinthians 7:3 NKJV
3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.

Do everything in your power to fulfill the sexual desires of your spouse.

Sexual intimacy is not about you! It’s about your spouse.

Stop making memories on Facebook and make some real ones.

I Corinthians 7:4 NKJV
4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

I Corinthians 7:5 NKJV
5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

1. Do not deprive one another but by mutual consent.
2. Both have to agree and only for a short, limited time.
3. If one doesn’t consent to abstaining during the Daniel’s fast, that’s okay.
4. If you do abstain, you must resume sexual intimacy so that Satan does not tempt you.

A Better Way: week 1

A Better Way: week 1

A BETTER WAY TO COURT begins with a look at YOU.

Healthy You = Health Marriage

Identity – Hearing God’s Voice – Obedience

Romans 8:14-15 NIV
14 For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. 15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “ Abba, Father.”

I cannot do life with God if I cannot discern his voice

Jesus said Obedience is equivalent to ‘love’ in John 14

Your most attractive attribute is Doing life with Jesus

1). Pray for your future mate or spouse, but pray Gods way

2). Set Boundaries
Loneliness will cause you to think and then act uncharacteristically of who the Lord says you are.

Take advantage of what is in front of you, instead of looking for what is not yet.

3). Intentional Friendship – It is so important that in the courting process you learn how to be friends first.

Colossians 2:10 NKJV
10 and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.

Keep wooing your wife as Christ wooed you before salvation. He continues to woo us by His spirit to spend time with Him, to do ministry with Him.

Ephesians 5:25 NKJV
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,

Marriage is God’s plan for us to die to self.

My husband won’t talk to me.
She wants to feel her husband is part of her world.

1. Words of affirmation
2. Quality time
3. Receiving gifts
4. Acts of service
5. Physical touch

I Corinthians 11:17 NKJV
17 Now in giving these instructions I do not praise you, since you come together not for the better but for the worse.

Hebrews 6:9 NKJV
9 But, beloved, we are confident of better things concerning you, yes, things that accompany salvation, though we speak in this manner.

If you’re not married, you must marry someone who is a believer and follower of Jesus Christ. If you do not have spiritual oneness in your marriage, you will never have the emotional intimacy that God intends for you to have.

Romans 14:19 NKJV
19 Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another.

“Let’s agree to use all our energy in getting along with each other.”

Stop telling your spouse they have problems. His problems are your problems. Her problems are your problems. They are our problems; we are one!

“Love hardly even notices when others do it wrong. For the whole month, let’s not even notice when they do it wrong.”

Ecclesiastes 9:9 NKJV
9 Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun.

“Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of February… and if you can do it in February, you can do it in March, and if you can do it in March, you can just keep doing it.”